Dianna was almost falling asleep again when she heard Dean’s steps and felt his hand againt hers making her frown and turn to look at him. “What…?” She quietly asked watching as he stepped back waiting for her to say something. She looked back at Sophie who was pratically in the middle of their big bed and bit her lip thinking for a second. What Dean wanted to do? God help him if he had any stupid idea or was about to start another argument with her, but still, she slowly stood up from the bed making sure to protect Sophie with pillows walls against her tiny body, walking out of the room with Dean following behind her.
When she finally came out of the room Dean followed before reaching for her hand and stopping her. He moved in front of her and put his hand on her face making her look at him. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being such and idiot and not being here for you and our daughter. I’m sorry for drinking. I’m just.. really sorry. I’ve took time off so I can be here and all the beers are emptied. I don’t like this.. I don’t like not being able to hold you and kiss you. I hate seeing you upset with me.. I just.. I miss you and I want us to be okay again. Please.. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t wake up another day and not be able to cuddle you before the sun even comes up. I can’t do it.” He looked down feeling upset and wanting to cry but he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t cry anymore when he knew he was at fault for their problems. He couldn’t make her upset with him when she was in the right always.
Dianna had done one simple question, but yet Dean had to act like a dick and say all of those things to her. She was tired of the fighting tired of him drinking every night, she is just tired of all of this. Licking her lips, and scooting closer to Sophie, she cuddled her daughter closer to her and closed her eyes once more wanting to sleep take her in once more so this could all be a bad dream.
As Dean gets to the kitchen he opens the fridge and stares at the few remaining beers he had. Instead of drinking one like he wanted he pulled them all out and poured them into the sink before trashing the cans. When they were finally gone Dean walked back to their room and reached for Di’s hand. “Come with me. Please?” He asked her in a whisper before letting go of her hand and stepping back. He didn’t want to wake Sophie and he didn’t want Di upset with him anymore so he was hoping she would come and not be angry with him when they could finally talk.
Dianna felt movent on the bed and for an instant thought it was Sophie waking up, but when she realized that someone was behind her and there was an arm around her frame, she knew who it was. She stayed quietly, not moving an inch only feeling Dean’s strong arm over her body and his tonned chest and he smelled of sweat and beer and she knew he was drinking again. Sighing she slowly opened her eyes facing the frame of her still sleeping daughter and licked her lips. “Were you drinking again?” She whispered not wanting to disturb the sleeping child, not taking her eyes away from her.
As she spoke he sighed and pulled himself away from her and sat on the edge of the bed. “One drink. All I had.” He got up and shook his head before moving to the door. “What do you want for dinner? Want me to make something or are you not hungry and will later fix yourself something when I’m in the shower or sleeping.” He didn’t really wait for her response before walking out of the room. He knew he was drinking more than often but he didn’t see a problem with it. A few beers every now and then was what he thought about instead of thinking about the truth of having one or two a night.
Dianna hated what she and Dean had become. Affter that small outburst from the other day, things weren’t the same, well, not like they were before, but now they were even worse. Deep down she knew she was right about it, things had changed with them and it was about time they accepted it, that Dean accepted it. Dianna continued with her routines, focusing mostly on Sophie and her needs, only talking with Dean when it was necessary. She was actually glad that now she had excuses to leave the house, with our wihtout Sophie, as much as she loved to be a mother, she missed her work too so just to be doing small things as working on YM&C or some photoshoots really managed to pull her mind away from things. It was almost dinner time, and against all odds, she and Sophie were still taking a nap on the master bedroom enjoying the comfortable feeling of the mother and daughter time.
After he finished his beer Dean made his way to Sophie’s room only to find her not in bed. Making his way to the master bedroom he opened the door slowly and stepped in. There, laying on the bed was the two prettiest girls in the world. He smiled as he moved to lay behind Di and slowly he put his arm over her. He had missed her so much, missed being near her and just missed touching her. The past couple of nights they had slept in the same bed but as far from each other as possible or so it seemed. Now to just hold her in his arms felt like it had been far too long since he last was able to.
Dean sat back and stared at the dresser he had been working on for Sophie’s room. It was perfect and pink and even though he wasn’t the best at fixing things up he thought that his creation looked pretty damn good. It had been days since him and Di had an actual conversation and even when they did both spoke in short quick responses. Dean hated it but he couldn’t help but think he was the biggest idiot for spending so much time working instead of staying at home with his family. He had taken a few recent days off so he could watch Sophie while Di had plans and tonight with Di in the house with their daughter he felt the best place for him was in the garage. Dean didn’t want Di hating him more so he thought maybe if he made something for Sophie’s room then she would see how much he does care about the two of them, although he knew it probably wouldn’t end up being as great a gift as he originally thought. Dean decided to brave going inside for a beer and as he stepped into the house, shutting the garage door behind him, he noticed it was quiet. Di was either with Sophie or napping so he knew he was safe to grab the beer without a confrontation from her.
Dianna was almost falling asleep when she heard Dean’s voice over the monitor startling her out of her sleep. Dean’s words got to her to the point of make her feel tears line once more on her eyes. “Yes you did….you jerk…” She quietly said wipping her cheeks for the thousand time today before rolling over on her other side trying to pull those words of Dean out of her mind. But when he started to sing their song she couldn’t help but feel that love she always felt for him. No matter how upset or angry she is at him, she’ll always love him. She quietly listened to him sing letting his voice lull her back to sleep.
Once the song was done and Sophie was peacefully sleeping Dean decided to just go into the war zone and face his mistakes but when he entered their room Di was asleep. Dean sighed as he moved to his side of the bed and climbed under the sheets. He wanted to get close to her but he didn’t want her angry with him for being close so he just laid on his back closing his eyes and hoping to eventually fall asleep.
Dianna finished her food and decided to leave the empty bottle and plate on the nightstand instead of walking downstairs to leave things and end up facing Dean on the process. She had the baby monitor at bay, so she turned it on and heard nothing, so she laid down and decided to rest a bit while she waited for Sophie to wake up and call for her as she did every single night.
When Dean knew that Di wouldn’t be coming out of the room he slumped in the chair before finally moving closer to Sophie and talking quietly. “I screwed up didn’t I? I just love your mom so much.. I’m afraid of losing her and with us fighting.. I’m a bad dad. I should have been here for you more instead of working so much. I’m Sorry Sophie.” As he spoke he noticed Sophie start to stir and he started to hum to try to get her to relax again. Then quietly he started to sing a song to Sophie that meant more than any song ever had. He started singing I’ll be. The song he sang to Di many times before.
The moment Dean grabbed the bottle again and walked away again, Dianna wanted to scream, to slap him, to do everything to give him a piece of her mind, but instead she took in a deep breath and finished her sandwich as the tears continued to fall. She finished it in complete silence and after grabbing a bottle of water and walked back upstairs not even glancing towards the living room. She headed towards the master bedroom and closed the door behind her sitting on the bed and eating her sandwich alone and in complete silence, her sobs being the only noises heard around the place.
After he finished his beer he headed toward their room. The door was shut and he took that as a sign to leave her alone so he went into Sophie’s room instead. Sitting down on the rocking chair he slowly rocked forward and back as he watched her sleep. Maybe he wasn’t spending enough time with her.. that would have to change. Dean kept looking toward the door hoping eventually that Di might pass by or even come to check on Sophie or something.
Dianna shook her head feeling more tears start to fall down, from frustration, tiredness, everything she had been feeling lately. “No…I just..I can’t do this tonight. You always say you’re sorry, but then…you do this all over again. You can’t want me for your own, I’m not only yours right now, we have a little person, we are a family even though you forget about it the moment you step inside of this house and just see me, me, me.” She said not knowing why she was saying all of those things to him right now. “I don’t want a sitter, I can take care of my daughter even if you don’t want to do it.”
As she spoke Dean looked down at his feet hearing her words. It was right. He was working too much and not staying home when he should. He went to look back up at her but she spoke again so he looked back down. “Alright.. you’re right.” Dean grabbed the bottle again and walked into the living room. He didn’t know what to say to that. She was completely correct and now he felt like shit because of it.
She was about to reply to him when he said that making her gasp. “What just you say?” She asked turning to look at him with a frown on her face. “I just,…seriously, Dean? Are you being serious to me right now?!” She asked raising her voice so he could listen to her speak. “I don’t spend every single moment with her, I stay with her when you are not at home because someone has to take care of her and I’m sorry by the time you get home I’m too tired to spend some time fucking with you!” She said wipping her cheek.
Dean brought the bottle back down and turned to look at her. He didn’t mean to upset her and he wanted to comfort her now but he knew he would get slapped if he tried. “I’m.. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. Why don’t we get a sitter so you can enjoy a little alone time. I just.. I miss being able to tease you without Sophie crying and making us stop. I miss the way you sleep. I don’t ever get to see you sleep anymore. I’m sorry.. That was a shitty thing to say.” He sat the beer down on the counter and moved a little closer. “Come here?”